Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Pouring rain

Why is it that when it rains it pours? Nothing ever seems to go right. One step forward, two steps back.....
My little girls are sad right now because of a decision I had to make. How do I make it right? Do I sit and wait for a miracle to happen? I don't know...........

Thursday, October 16, 2008


It's amazing to me how some people are, how they don't realize their own words cut a person's being and soul in half....

Yesterday I got a wonderful candle and ribbon from a dear friend. It was in memory of my son, who passed away 6 years ago. I love these gifts and will cherish them always. I lit my candle and looked at my son's scrapbook, memorializing him and feeling good about being able to "remember" him. For once, I felt a little peace.

Then it happens.... I ran into into an acquaintance and I share with her that it was Infant Loss Awareness day. Her remarks were so shallow and mean, I almost started to cry. She states how there is a "day for everything isn't there?" "Why would they make such a day, it just tears the wound open again!" She then goes on about some very trivial issues, nothing life altering. How can you compare not being able to send your kid somewhere vs the loss of a child?????? Shallow...

Now this is clearly a mom who has healthy kids and has never experienced such a loss. Her words angered me. Does she not know we don't need a day to "open up the wounds"? The pain lingers, everyday, not knowing when it will surface. How can people be so ignorant? I really believe people should not say anything at all sometimes. Sometimes silence is golden.

Through all of my trials, I have at least become more sensitive to others. When I hear of little kids getting sick, or another mom experience a loss, my heart goes out to them. I try to double check my words and I try not to use cliche's. I try to empathize and listen, not find solutions for them.

I wish some people would just see that their words cut deeper than any knife. My dad always told me "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"

Friday, October 3, 2008

I always wished I could be one of "those" Moms. You know, the kind that drops her kids off at school, knowing they'll be there when you pick them up, alive and well. After years of being scared, not sending my girls to public school for fear of what might happen because of their diabetes, my fears came true.
Phone rings:
Me: Hello?
Nurse: Hi, I made a big, big mistake
(My stomach hurls to my throat}
Nurse: I gave Cerriah 23 units of insulin by mistake instead of 2 (talk about an increase!!)
Me: Oh my Goodness, I'll be there in 2 minutes to pick her up and take her to the ER!Silence........... What am I thinking! It'll take 20 to get her to a hospital and it'll be too late by then, insulin starts acting in 15. Side affect of too much insulin?? Death...
Me: No, please call and ambulance I'll be there in 2.
When we get to the ER, I am greeted by paramedics and an incompetent Doctor, who doesn't know the first thing about Diabetes, not even what an insulin pump is....Cerriah made it, she's a strong girl. After being pumped with glucose and tons of sugary foods, she walked out of that hospital.
But I ask, when is too much, too much? She has cheated death many times, but this hit home... When can she/I stop worrying? When can I become one of "those" moms???? As I sit and think, there is only one answer........when she is cured of this awful disease that rips not only her mind and body, but mine as well.It's perfect timing that we are doing "Walk for a Cure". Now when I walk, I will have this fresh in my mind.
Won't you consider sponsoring her? Even one dollar will mean the world to her......... and to me.http://walk.jdrf.org/
Her name: Cerriah
Team Name: Dreams Come True