What's new?

My mom finally went back home on Sunday. The kids and I were very sad having to take her to the airport. Her flight left at 8 AM so we had to leave the house at 5:30. Both of the girls wanted to go with so we piled in the car and headed off. Cerriah ended up crying most of the day because she missed her so much. We all missed her so much.... We can't wait until she comes back.

Eli started complaining about a toothache, AGAIN! I took him to the dentist and everything looked clear on the x-rays. Of course when we got him his cheek started swelling! So not he is on antibiotics and we go back in tomorrow. I am concerned, I am not going to lie. I don't know how it could have been missed on an xray. Hopefully tomorrow will come with good news.

Lexi has started tumbling classes. She has taught herself how to do back walkovers and cartwheels, and was attempting back flips. We decided to put her in tumbling classes before she breaks something trying to do it on her own! Hopefully classes will teach her a thing or two about flips :)

I have started working out here at home. I am so out of shape, it's not funny. I hope to lose 5 pounds by June. I just hope I can keep up working out each day. I bought the DWTS DVD and it's a fun paced workout, especially for someone out of shape like me. So far I have only been able to do one dance a day because I am sweating uncontrolably by the end, haha! I hope to increase it to two dances by next week. Here's to those five pounds I have been trying to lose over a year... SEE YA!!

Hopefully :)

Yesterday was a low key day. We just really hung around the house and didn't do much. The kids went to school and I went to the orthodontist. I got my new Invisaligns and my teeth are in pain today, lol! What we do for straight teeth!! We settled in and watched 'Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs". The kids love the movie and we plan on having some cousins over today for pizza and a movie :)

New Day

Today is a new day! I am very sleepy because I didn't get much sleep last night. Lexi woke up in the middle of the night with a low blood sugar of 46. I thank God she is able to feel the low blood sugars in her sleep. It's such a scary thing!
I am thankful we rose this morning to see the beautiful day. I use "beautiful" lightly as it is winter here in IL and the snow on the ground is now turning into gray mush ;) It's supposed to rain later and I'm hoping it washes away some of this winter mess.
School went well last night. The class seems like it's going to be a lot of work, but it seems like it will be fun work. Now I need to go buy my books so I can start studying!

Daily Grind

So today we return to the normal daily grind. Lexi is in school, feeling a lot better, but not 100%. I start school again tonight and I am so worn out, I am not ready for it! I can't wait to be done and on my way to just a job.
My mom came in from Florida to help out because of Lexi being in the hospital. She has been a great help. We made some blankets last night for a charity called Project Linus. It was fun to make blankets and it's maybe a hobby I will pick up in my spare time ;)

Life

Life is never easy, is it? i wish I could be carefree and not have a worry in the world. Although I know that is not possible, having children with Type 1 diabetes is exhausting and always close to my mind. I have to worry constantly about food choices, exercise, machines, pumps....... list goes on and on. I don't know what it feels like to be a "normal" mom, not having to worry about little things like my kids eating a lollipop. A simple thing like candy involves checking blood sugars, counting carbs, and bolusing for them.
Lexi is still at home with me. She woke up oK but soon got sick to her tummy. Her Blood Sugars have been OK the past two days. Not under 120, but at least in the 100's. I can't wait for her to be better and to our "normal' daily routine.

Happy 2010 ?!?

Wow, what a year it has been! And it's only January 11th!! My dear little Lexi was just released from the hospital yesterday. She was admitted with DKA and tachycardia! It all happened so fast. From being perfectly fine to being admitted in the PICU!
She woke up on Thursday morning with a stomach ache. Knowing it could be high blood sugars, I had her check that first. 470. Wow! We right away bolused her for the high blood sugar and she took a bath. After her bath we checked again and 411. She vomited and we checked for ketones. HIGH! I knew right away we were dealing with DKA so she got dressed and we headed to the ER.
She was taken back right away and put on an IV, blood drawn and hear monitor. Her heart was racing in the 170's and she was laying down! I can't explain what I felt seeing that heart monitor go and go and go. The doctors had no idea why her heart was racing so much. Her blood results came back, and just like I suspected, DKA.
The hospital we were at had no PICU, so they scheduled an air lift to a hospital about an hour away with a PICU. I shuddered, not knowing what the next days would bring. Diabetes and a fast hear rate are two separate scary things. I was so scared and didn't know what to do.
She was in tachycardia for over 24 hours. They pumped her with IV fluids, thinking she was dehydrated and it was to no avail. She was given tylenol for a slight fever and it did not bring down the heart rate either. They STILL have no idea what happened. Has anyone every experience such a thing? It did eventually come down, but it's scary to me not knowing what caused it. I wish I had definite answers.
So I say, Happy 2010?!? I do hope it gets better...... it just has to!

Tooth Fairy!

What are the odds that the tooth fairy will visit TWO of your kids on the same night? Oddly enough, Cerriah lost her last baby tooth and Elijah lost his first baby tooth! Ok, Eli really didn't LOSE his first tooth, it was pulled :( He had a cavity and the dentist opted to pull it versus doing a pulpotomy in case it creates an abcess later. But seriously, we didn't know both were going to lose them on the same day.
Eli awoke today to 5 crisp dollars under his pillow! I remember when I used to only get a quarter! My how inflation has set in :) I remember Cerriah getting 20 dollars for her first tooth. I believe other tooth fairies chipped in for her stash ;). Funny how it's an ending for Cerriah with now all adult teeth and a beginning for Eli. Life does come full circle sometimes :)

Decisions

Why are decisions never easy to make? I am supposed to be student teaching, instead I find myself behind my desk, working. Working to pay off bills. It just wasn't the financial aspect, but also health insurance and day care had a lot to do with me having to bypass this semester and focus on fall. I just hope nothing stops me from doing it in the fall, as I need to graduate and move on.

Happy 2010

Wow! Where did 2009 go? I can't believe a whole year has passed. I am happy we have lived another year, yet sad that another year has passed. So many things have happened that I am eternally grateful for!
Cerriah turned 11
Alexis turned 8
Elijah turned 5!
Cerriah is Miss Puerto Rico, she worked so hard for that title!
Alexis and Cerriah are both Miss Illinois Coed! They have had an amazing year as sister queens and I know we will be sad in 2010 when they give up their titles!
Eli started kindergarten. My baby boy is growing up.

I can't wait to see what 2010 brings!

On Edge

I have been really on edge lately. Ready for a mental breakdown at any second. I am done with school, and should be enjoying these few weeks off. I thought it was strange until I looked at the calendar today. I broke down in hysterics, uncontrollable crying.
Seven years ago today I was making cakes for a wedding and my nephew's birthday party. I was also almost nine months pregnant. I was so busy that weekend. I was lifting cakes and baking for 3 days straight. The day after I was done I never felt my little boy kick again. Ever.
I can't stop crying. I can't believe it has been seven years. Why does God have to take our babies away? Why do we have to suffer? He should be in school, in first grade. I should be stroking his brown curly hair, gazing into his brown eyes. Instead I can barely see my computer screen as I type.
Memorial Day is not the same for me now. It was the day that I realized my son was gone. This year Memorial Day is also David's birthday. I will try to make it the best for him. The thought of making cakes though always take me back to my son, since it was the last time I spent with him.
A mother's pain is never gone. I hope I can make it through this weekend in one piece.

Why?

When Cerriah was diagnosed with diabetes, I was devastated. She was diagnosed on 9-11-01. Yes, you got that right. The same day as the World Trade Center tragedy. We were in the hospital for the week and all we saw and heard about all week was the tragedy. I felt so bad. I was having a personal crisis along with one of the biggest disasters in our country's history.
A few months later I lost my first born son. I couldn't believe God's timing. Why did that happen? Why only a few months after knowing my daughter had an incurable disease. I was happy at least my daughter was alive. Knowing I would never see my son again was more than I can bear.
In December 2005 tragedy struck again in my home. Lexi was diagnose on 12/11. I remember feeling that God must surely hate me. Why did I have to go through so much pain? Had I not suffered enough?? I asked one of my dearest Christian friends why God hated me so much. I was serious. I felt far from His love. I was a Christian. How could I mutter such words!?! But in my soul I truly felt hated.
My friend was speechless. What do you tell a mother that had just buried her son the previous year and now has to inject her two daughters with insulin multiple times a day? She didn't know what to say. She is a deep rooted Christian, yet she couldn't find any reason as to why my family was chosen to lead such a journey.
I have strayed, strayed far from the One that I know loves me. I am not sure why He has chosen me or my family to live this life. I am not sure if an answer would suffice my soul. Instead, I don't ask anymore. I don't ask why. I don't ask when. I just am.
I have found myself seeking Jesus more. I am scared. Scared of the tragedy that might happen again once I give 100%. I need to do some soul searching. I need to be prepared.
People say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. My question is, WHY does He trust me so much? I am broken and can't carry this burden.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh my!!

Today was Lexi's field trip to the zoo! I, of course, had to go. If I don't go on field trips with her then the school nurse has to go because of the diabetes. It's kind of nice because I don't have to wait to be "chosen" by the lottery system to be a chaperon. I am one, always! I enjoy going on these trips with the kids. They have so much fun.
I did get "stuck" with one little girl who cried the entire time that she missed her mom. This same little girl has been crying all day, every day for her mom. I was kind of frustrated because I had to monitor Lexi all day, with blood sugars and food. It added to the pressure. I made sure to keep the little girl close and to remind her that her mom would be sad that she was crying and not enjoying herself. I told her if she needed anything I would be more than happy to help. I made sure she was OK, but boy was it grueling to deal with one more thing. She finally settled down after I gave her my IPOD to listen to her favorite songs of Hannah Montana. She listened for a little while and was fine.
We were so tired by the time we got to the bus. It was all worth it though. Lexi couldn't wait to sit next to me on the bus. Oh how I know times will change in the near future :( I hope these days last a LONG time!!

I Can Think Clearly Now, the Semester's Done!!

Woohooo! I am officially done with the semester and half way through my Masters!! I can't wait to get my grades next week. I am trying to maintain a 4.0 this time around. I have four glorious weeks off of school in which I plan to spend as much time with my kids as possible. In June I will be going for 4 nights a week, so I have to get my kiddo time in now. Glad these classes are over with :)

The Words of Eli

I have to love all the little sayings Eli comes up with lately. He ponders things that my girls never took note of. He always brings a smile to my lips when he thinks out loud. Yesterday he was making his own "private club" because the girls have their own with some neighborhood girls. He came to me with a tablet of paper, numbered lines and his name on the first line. He asked me if I would like to join his private club. I was, of course, honored. I proudly wrote my name in slot #2. It won't be long before I am banned from his "private" life so I have to take every chance I get now. He even made a special badge for me to wear. I have it sitting on my desk now :)
It poured rain yesterday while we were driving home yesterday from David's work. He had to bring a gas can in the car because he had to take it to work that morning. It reeked of gas fumes and we tried to keep the windows opened so we wouldn't pass out! We were getting soaked though. Eli commented "Mommy, God must be REALLY sad today! There are a lot of rain drops." You see Eli says God is crying when it rains. I commented back, "Yes buddy, he must be really sad." I could see his face thinking through the rear view mirror. "Mommy, do you think he's sad because Daddy brought in that gas tank and we are going to pass out now?"

Oh my sentiments exactly Eli, what was Daddy thinking?????

I Always Knew Swine Were Dirty!!

Some schools here are closed tomorrow due to the swine flu. My girls school is still open, but the schools closes are very close to where we are. I think the media is blowing all of this out of proportion, but this is very close to home now.

I don't know whether to send my girls to school tomorrow though. They are at high risk because of the diabetes. I also don't want to be paranoid, but I want to be smart and safe. They normally get a flu shot every season because of this risk. The people who have died from this strain have been people with underlying medical issues. Am I making to much of this?

I always knew swine were dirty!! I hope this passes fast and that is really is just a scare that will die down soon!

Almost done!

So this semester in school is almost done!! Woohoo! Hopefully next spring I will be student teaching and graduating in May. I can't wait to be done. I have three major papers due by next week, and with everything going on in our lives, I haven't had much of a chance to finish anything. It's going to be a long weekend :)

Are you serious??

I had lunch last week with some school moms. We had a good time until I brought up Cerriah's anxieties over going to junior high. I told the ladies she worries about missing class because of having to go to the nurse. It's not fair that she misses assignments or misses class instruction because she has to go there so often.
One of the mom's asked if she could do it in class. The other mom nearly flipped!! She said she would pull her daughter out of school if Cerriah was able to do that in class. She said Cerriah would have "blood" on her and she could "infect" her daughter. Are you serious??? Hello, diabetes is not CONTAGIOUS!! I know there are many other factors that involve blood, but that truly hurt me. Her daugher has autism and has an aide with her 24 hours a day. To me, needing a glucometer is just like having an aide with you. It's necessary!! I calmly told her the blood is about the size of a pin needle and she uses alcohol. She smirked and made a disgusted face. I tried not to cry.
I felt so bad, because this is an adult that should be more understanding. What are kids going to think of her?? I would love to push for her to be able to test in class so she doesn't have to make the trip down to the nurses office. She treats herself at home and knows more about the pump and carbohydrates than most adults do. Ignorant people like this mom make me upset.

Junior High

So my oldest is going to junior high next year!! Ugh, where has time gone? I have so many worries and reservations for her going to junior high. I wish I could make time stop and she could still by my baby.
She's off to her step up day there today. The school took all the fifth graders today so they can see what "life as a six grader looks like". We didn't even find out until yesterday!! We were very disappointed because it meant we had to rush to get her ready for blood sugar checks, snacks, ect while she was gone. I hate unorganization!!! I try to keep people informed so they can plan around events. The school did not do that for us, or for any of the parents. I am unsure of how many parents even know that their kids are on a bus today and at a different school. So unreliable.
Cerriah has a lot of worries about junior high. She worries about kids making fun of her and her diabetes. She worries about having to miss class to go get her BS checks. She worries about making it down to the nurses office in time. So many things that diabetes inhibits her from doing. She misses class often because of nurse visits. It's so unfair.

Time!

It's been awhile since I have updated my blog. I've been terribly busy. Lexi was going through some terrible blood sugar lows, like Cerriah was a few weeks back. I couldn't get her out of the 60's ALL DAY. I had to pick her up from school twice because the nurse couldn't get her up as well :( All of that AFTER we had made major changes to her pump. She is thankfully doing well now.

Then the terrible stomach flu hit Eli! We ended up in the ER yesterday because he was dehydrated. When we got there he was pretty miserable. The doctor gave him an anti-nausea medication and he was pretty chipper in about 10 minutes. He exclaimed, "Mom, I'm a zero!!". I sat there totally confused, tired and bewildered! "What???", I asked. He happily pointed to the pain chart in the room. The "zero" was a happy smiley face, no pain!! I smiled and laughed. Leave it to my boy to say something funny.

I have lost 6 pounds in the last week. I know I needed it, but boy can stress play havoc on your body!!! Now, I'll indulge in something totally fattening and gain 8 pounds............

Girls on a Mission

Check out what the girls are doing these days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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